I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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