I just threw up on my dentist
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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