Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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