I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
