I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
