we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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