So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
