Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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