you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize