If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
vagina is talking i cant
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
