I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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