Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My penis needs a shock collar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
