I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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