Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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