wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
