don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
