she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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