The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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