Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
