He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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