Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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