i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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