Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
