If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
