i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
