Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
