we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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