Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
