I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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