guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
