Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
