Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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