Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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