those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
