Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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