The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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