This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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