My sheets look like a crime scene.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
