you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
