i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
50% drunk capacity currently
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
