Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
