I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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