It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
