honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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