i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize