I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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