How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
