Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
