I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
MIDGETS
????
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
