Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
