I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
