No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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