the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
