P.S. I can't hear my feet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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