I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
