did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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