Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
