I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
