kristin has been a bad kristin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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