Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I lost the right to judge tonight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
