He uses pillows to masturbate.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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