really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
