Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can I color on your dick again?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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