I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
