So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
