Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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