I need to stop coming to work sober
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish you could order shots online.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
