how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
