dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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