Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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