My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My hand turned me down
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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