so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
