you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
