All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't turn off my feet"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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