he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
