please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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